cleveland in thirteen.one

IMG_1054i am a two-time half marathoner.

a tale of two totally different experiences.
2013 | rookie. hot. nervous. injured. limped across the finish line holding on to my brother-n-law’s arm.
2016 | rainy. windy. sleet. snow. hail. ran on almost no sleep. PRd.

this past marathon sunday was one for the books. i have joked with my friends that i made the worst adult decisions all weekend. visited by friends new bar, east bank restaurant & bar on friday night. naturally the evening began my popping bubbles. fish bowls ordered. venus flowers drank. and tequilla shots happened. i was on my feet all day saturday at work. forgot my water bottle. but drank a lot of nooma. and then babysat until 3:30am-ish. good morning, race day. i honestly went into the day feeling better than i should have been. i dont recall feeling nervous until i was standing in my corral waiting to start. i was pretty calm. just hating on the cleveland weather gods. i thought about dropping out completely. i thought about just running the 10k. and then i had the thought that i have wanted revenge on cleveland since 2013 and wanted nothing more than running across the finish line. so i ran. i felt really good. and it seemed like the miles were just ticking away. 1 down… 2 down… 3 down… somewhere along abbey avenue i remember feeling hot and not wanting my jacket. but also not wanting to just toss it to the side because it was lululemon. i moved the few things in my coat pocket to my speed tights and kept running. shortly before mile 5 i saw some friends and tossed them my jacket. grabbed water. and still felt fantastic. somewhere probably around mile 7 is when the weather changed. felt good. happy with my pace. but it definitely became more challenging. train avenue was brutal. pot holes. deep puddles. sleet. rain. hail. it all happened. but i kept pushing myself. i also recall telling myself thank you for grabbing that pure barre hat at the last-minute. because at least i wasnt getting hail in the eyes. keep running. my mind is calm. not really thinking about anything. just taking it all in. before turning onto w.65th … my knee hurts. i walked. keep going tabs. turn on to franklin avenue. feeling more fatigued. knee hurts. walk. keep going. walk briefly. just run. mile 11 is around the corner. you’ll see your lemons. just run. the lulu love was needed and helped push me into the home stretch. the shoreway. you were hell. i kept looking up but felt like you just went on forever. just run. you are there. the finish line is right there. run. one foot in front of the other. run across the finish line at the cleveland marathon. 2:23:01. happily accept my metal. find something to warm my hands. find my friend. seriously laugh about the weather. it was epic. but i did it. i ran. i ran 13.1 miles. ran across the finish line. and on the most crazy weather day managed to PR by six minutes. ill one hundred percent take it. get a double dirty chai. put on dry & warm clothes. mimosas & brunch. ill one hundred percent take it. i have ran two half marathons. that my friends, is a pretty amazing feeling. here’s to seawheeze…
#runCLE #CLEmarathon #2run6 #seawheeze #runhappy #tabreserunsthetown #wesurvivedCLE

… but meanings.

language of friendship… i have been reflecting on friendships a lot lately. because friends have moved. because some friends i do not see nearly as much as i would like. because i have reconnected with friends. because i have not kept in touch with some as best as i should. because they evolve. because they become something even more. friendships just bring such a richness to our lives. i cannot imagine going through the roller coaster of life with out my squad. we encourage. we support. we defend. we acknowledge. we guide. we share. we grow. we laugh. we argue. we cry. and we love. i like to think of myself as a good friend. though if i am being completely honest we all have our less than bright moments. but i try to continually let me friends know how much they are appreciated. how much they are loved. because really i am nothing without any of you. i will text you. i will send you a letter. i will call. but its not just the words. it is the meanings. its from those sunday funday moments, to sharing a bottle of bubbles, to all those other crazy moments. those are where the meanings are found. that is where our friendships become cherished. xo ♥

home is where the heart is.

homedad is an east side boy, of the east lake north ranger kind. mom is a west side girl, of rocky river pirate kind. they met on a blind date. true story. and eventually found their first home in willoughby. for twelve years we called this one bathroom, three bedroom, ugly mustard colored tiny little house our home. my grandmother kathleen lived on the west side and it was important to mom that we live close to her. you know close enough that my sisters and i could walk to her house after school. or close enough so we could “run away” to grandma’s when we were mad at mom and dad. so for twenty-five years home has been a four bedroom, four bathroom, three fireplace blue house on a cul-de-sac in rocky river. and this month we are packing up old blue. being completely real, i have mixed emotions. am i sad? yes. no. maybe. am i happy? yes. no. maybe. am i excited for our new adventures. mostly yes. i do think the time is right. mom and dad are getting older. downsizing and de-cluttering is good for them. its time for them to head back to the east side. though ive already made them promise we will not give up our friday night dinners at jake’s on the lake. its time for me to be in a place of my own. but yes, i am sad. we moved onto this cul-de-sac the summer after my sixth grade year. this neighborhood is incredible. we pretty much owned most if not all the bar seats at linden lounge. mel and charlie quickly became best friends to my dad, and grandpa-like figures to my sisters and i. they are gone. its not the same. its just not. the chesser’s moved in across the street almost the same day. our families have become incredible friends. abbie, kelly and i watched countless indians games together and fought fighting the rocks to cross the street. emily and jen, what a pair they are. i cannot even begin to tell you the crazy games they concocted. and those damn water babies. and danny. the lone boy of the group. we constantly were asking, telling him bat like omar vizquel. or bat like jim thome. or pitch like charlie nagy. to which he would always show us said baseball players batting/pitching stance. and yes, we may have been horrible babysitters and there was that accident on our bike ride. simmer down, everyone was fine. the six of us spent our summers ‘white water rafting’ in the chesser pool and basically driving our parents crazy. anyhow, my point is. this street. in rocky river. is home. i will miss it dearly. but its also not goodbye. this weekend we’ll celebrate the wedding of little danny. so you see, its the people i will miss the most. to steal a line from phillip phillips song homejust know you’re not alone … ’cause im gonna make this place your home. so home. home will be my parents new house. home is the third floor in kelly & greg’s house. home is crashing at jen’s new place. home is my new place in the detroit shoreway. and home is in the chesser’s backyard, during the summer, sharing wine with mama c. so yes, this month we will be saying goodbye to these four walls. the walls that hung all my sisters and i school pictures. the walls that hung beer signs and neon lights going into the basement. the walls that hung all kinds of cleveland browns paraphernalia. the walls that hold our family memories. but i am pretty damn lucky to know i have several homes. you see home isnt just the four brick walls. the street. or the city. its much more. its the people. its the feeling. home is where the heart is.

 

yes.

“keep dancing,” he orders. “you will not believe what i am seeing!” and so i dance it out. i dance it out on my mountain in my sun as if my life depends on it. because it does. and james is wrong about believing. because when i see the photos later, i absolutely do believe what i am seeing. the woman i see may be new, but i know her well. i like her. i like who she is. i like who she’s becoming. i love her.staring at those photos, i know now that is what my year of yes has always been about.
love.

it’s just love, is all.
that little girl with the canned vegetables opens that pantry door just enough to peer through the sliver of the door into the sunlight. she too sees this beautiful woman bathed in light wearing the red dress with the big smile on her face. she approves. she loves her too. 
who i was. who i am.
its just love.
i cant wait to find out who i will be when next thanksgiving rolls around.
whoever ill be, i will be beautiful. 
because i may be an old liar, but i will be a beautiful old liar.
i will be happy. 
i will be worth it.
worth the chocolate factory.
always a work in progress.
always dancing.
always in the sun.
yes.
always dancing in the sun.
yes.
yes.
yes.
[shonda rhimes, year of yes]

confession time: i have always loved grey’s anatomy. and while i am technically a season behind (quiet on what is happening in season 12 yo), i still consider myself a fan. i love each and every one of meredith grey’s voice overs. i adore yang. derek shepherd is absolutely dreamy. and denny. swoon. the songs. the words. i admit that grey’s is the one show that will almost always get me to reach for the box of kleenex. flash forward to that moment when you have read the 311 pages of year of yes by shonda rhimes, executive producer of above mentioned guilty pleasure. so yes, ill admit to having a girl crush on her. i love the character of christina yang even more. and appreciate the show that much more. there were so many pages i folded over the corner on. but the passage above, at the end of the book, was one of my favorites. it doesnt matter if it is a year of yes or not. no matter what … it is love. it is being happy. it is dancing it out. it is accepting it will always be a work in progress. but it is worth it. whatever it is. more importantly, i am worth it.

 

grandpa chuck

charles hatco | friend. neighbor. grandfather.
09.23.30 – 03.11.16

those we love dont go away, they walk beside us everyday. unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear. 

the friend you were to my dad. the grandfather you were to my sisters and i. the way you spoiled our three favorite little girls. the way you teased little twix. but how you loved him and his little bar stool. the way you could always talk us into running up to mitchell’s for ice cream. sitting at the bar with you at linden and then jake’s. your smile. your laughter. your heart. you will forever be missed. xoxo

 

to leave a legacy.

heart_legacy“…what will be the legacy peyton manning wants to leave behind?” – bill cowher

that question has stuck with me since watching the cowher – peyton manning interview on super bowl sunday. it made me think about the legacy i want to leave behind. what do i want people to say/think when they hear the name tabitha?

the mind starts spinning … an exceptional wife? an awesome mother? a successful professional? i know i still have a lot of living to do. a lot to still experience. and moments that will change me. i am still growing into the woman i will be. but, right here, right now. what legacy do i want to leave behind?

all heart.

meaning? that in each and everything i say, do, write, speak … its all from the heart. i was genuine. i was real. i was thoughtful. i was compassionate. simply that at the end of the day that there was never a doubt that it, whatever it may be, came from deep within my heart.

what do you want your legacy to be?

once in a lifetime kind of people.

window heartlook around at the people god has put in your life. they arent there by accident.
i really do believe this with all my heart. and its something that i have been thinking about a lot lately. why do we meet the people we do? why are some instant connections? why do we guard some more than others? why do we no longer talk to others? i know i will never have the answers to these questions. but the more i reflect on the idea the more i know people come into our lives for a reason. again, maybe you immediately know why. maybe you dont. at the end of the day i am sure everyone i have met and will meet — brings something to the table. you [as in you, and you, and you…] became a part of my life for a reason. and probably this happened at a point where i needed you more than i ever really knew. maybe we met by chance. or maybe we were introduced to each other. maybe you have had a similar life experience. maybe you make me laugh. maybe you are that shoulder to lean on. maybe you just get me. maybe just…there are so many. simply, i suppose all i am saying is that i appreciate you, our relationship and all that you give to me. thank you for crossing paths with me. and in a way making me the girl i am today.


the best kind of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. the people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. the people that love you, simply for being you. the once in a lifetime kind of people.