home is where the heart is.

homedad is an east side boy, of the east lake north ranger kind. mom is a west side girl, of rocky river pirate kind. they met on a blind date. true story. and eventually found their first home in willoughby. for twelve years we called this one bathroom, three bedroom, ugly mustard colored tiny little house our home. my grandmother kathleen lived on the west side and it was important to mom that we live close to her. you know close enough that my sisters and i could walk to her house after school. or close enough so we could “run away” to grandma’s when we were mad at mom and dad. so for twenty-five years home has been a four bedroom, four bathroom, three fireplace blue house on a cul-de-sac in rocky river. and this month we are packing up old blue. being completely real, i have mixed emotions. am i sad? yes. no. maybe. am i happy? yes. no. maybe. am i excited for our new adventures. mostly yes. i do think the time is right. mom and dad are getting older. downsizing and de-cluttering is good for them. its time for them to head back to the east side. though ive already made them promise we will not give up our friday night dinners at jake’s on the lake. its time for me to be in a place of my own. but yes, i am sad. we moved onto this cul-de-sac the summer after my sixth grade year. this neighborhood is incredible. we pretty much owned most if not all the bar seats at linden lounge. mel and charlie quickly became best friends to my dad, and grandpa-like figures to my sisters and i. they are gone. its not the same. its just not. the chesser’s moved in across the street almost the same day. our families have become incredible friends. abbie, kelly and i watched countless indians games together and fought fighting the rocks to cross the street. emily and jen, what a pair they are. i cannot even begin to tell you the crazy games they concocted. and those damn water babies. and danny. the lone boy of the group. we constantly were asking, telling him bat like omar vizquel. or bat like jim thome. or pitch like charlie nagy. to which he would always show us said baseball players batting/pitching stance. and yes, we may have been horrible babysitters and there was that accident on our bike ride. simmer down, everyone was fine. the six of us spent our summers ‘white water rafting’ in the chesser pool and basically driving our parents crazy. anyhow, my point is. this street. in rocky river. is home. i will miss it dearly. but its also not goodbye. this weekend we’ll celebrate the wedding of little danny. so you see, its the people i will miss the most. to steal a line from phillip phillips song homejust know you’re not alone … ’cause im gonna make this place your home. so home. home will be my parents new house. home is the third floor in kelly & greg’s house. home is crashing at jen’s new place. home is my new place in the detroit shoreway. and home is in the chesser’s backyard, during the summer, sharing wine with mama c. so yes, this month we will be saying goodbye to these four walls. the walls that hung all my sisters and i school pictures. the walls that hung beer signs and neon lights going into the basement. the walls that hung all kinds of cleveland browns paraphernalia. the walls that hold our family memories. but i am pretty damn lucky to know i have several homes. you see home isnt just the four brick walls. the street. or the city. its much more. its the people. its the feeling. home is where the heart is.

 

yes.

“keep dancing,” he orders. “you will not believe what i am seeing!” and so i dance it out. i dance it out on my mountain in my sun as if my life depends on it. because it does. and james is wrong about believing. because when i see the photos later, i absolutely do believe what i am seeing. the woman i see may be new, but i know her well. i like her. i like who she is. i like who she’s becoming. i love her.staring at those photos, i know now that is what my year of yes has always been about.
love.

it’s just love, is all.
that little girl with the canned vegetables opens that pantry door just enough to peer through the sliver of the door into the sunlight. she too sees this beautiful woman bathed in light wearing the red dress with the big smile on her face. she approves. she loves her too. 
who i was. who i am.
its just love.
i cant wait to find out who i will be when next thanksgiving rolls around.
whoever ill be, i will be beautiful. 
because i may be an old liar, but i will be a beautiful old liar.
i will be happy. 
i will be worth it.
worth the chocolate factory.
always a work in progress.
always dancing.
always in the sun.
yes.
always dancing in the sun.
yes.
yes.
yes.
[shonda rhimes, year of yes]

confession time: i have always loved grey’s anatomy. and while i am technically a season behind (quiet on what is happening in season 12 yo), i still consider myself a fan. i love each and every one of meredith grey’s voice overs. i adore yang. derek shepherd is absolutely dreamy. and denny. swoon. the songs. the words. i admit that grey’s is the one show that will almost always get me to reach for the box of kleenex. flash forward to that moment when you have read the 311 pages of year of yes by shonda rhimes, executive producer of above mentioned guilty pleasure. so yes, ill admit to having a girl crush on her. i love the character of christina yang even more. and appreciate the show that much more. there were so many pages i folded over the corner on. but the passage above, at the end of the book, was one of my favorites. it doesnt matter if it is a year of yes or not. no matter what … it is love. it is being happy. it is dancing it out. it is accepting it will always be a work in progress. but it is worth it. whatever it is. more importantly, i am worth it.

 

grandpa chuck

charles hatco | friend. neighbor. grandfather.
09.23.30 – 03.11.16

those we love dont go away, they walk beside us everyday. unseen, unheard, but always near; still loved, still missed and very dear. 

the friend you were to my dad. the grandfather you were to my sisters and i. the way you spoiled our three favorite little girls. the way you teased little twix. but how you loved him and his little bar stool. the way you could always talk us into running up to mitchell’s for ice cream. sitting at the bar with you at linden and then jake’s. your smile. your laughter. your heart. you will forever be missed. xoxo

 

to leave a legacy.

heart_legacy“…what will be the legacy peyton manning wants to leave behind?” – bill cowher

that question has stuck with me since watching the cowher – peyton manning interview on super bowl sunday. it made me think about the legacy i want to leave behind. what do i want people to say/think when they hear the name tabitha?

the mind starts spinning … an exceptional wife? an awesome mother? a successful professional? i know i still have a lot of living to do. a lot to still experience. and moments that will change me. i am still growing into the woman i will be. but, right here, right now. what legacy do i want to leave behind?

all heart.

meaning? that in each and everything i say, do, write, speak … its all from the heart. i was genuine. i was real. i was thoughtful. i was compassionate. simply that at the end of the day that there was never a doubt that it, whatever it may be, came from deep within my heart.

what do you want your legacy to be?

once in a lifetime kind of people.

window heartlook around at the people god has put in your life. they arent there by accident.
i really do believe this with all my heart. and its something that i have been thinking about a lot lately. why do we meet the people we do? why are some instant connections? why do we guard some more than others? why do we no longer talk to others? i know i will never have the answers to these questions. but the more i reflect on the idea the more i know people come into our lives for a reason. again, maybe you immediately know why. maybe you dont. at the end of the day i am sure everyone i have met and will meet — brings something to the table. you [as in you, and you, and you…] became a part of my life for a reason. and probably this happened at a point where i needed you more than i ever really knew. maybe we met by chance. or maybe we were introduced to each other. maybe you have had a similar life experience. maybe you make me laugh. maybe you are that shoulder to lean on. maybe you just get me. maybe just…there are so many. simply, i suppose all i am saying is that i appreciate you, our relationship and all that you give to me. thank you for crossing paths with me. and in a way making me the girl i am today.


the best kind of people are the ones that come into your life, and make you see the sun where you once saw clouds. the people that believe in you so much, you start to believe in you too. the people that love you, simply for being you. the once in a lifetime kind of people.

ruby red kind of love.

…because of you both, the world knows truth and love exist. keep these beliefs alive, and cherish one another….

january 16. 1976

40 years.
3 daughters.
3 granddaughters.
1 family.
that is love.

celebrating my parents 40th wedding anniversary tonight has me reflecting on love and relationships in general. i have had two significant relationships of my own. one was my first. my first everything. the other happened when i wasnt quite looking. probably when i least expected it. and was literally right in front of me. he was probably not the guy most of my friends saw me dating. but he sparked a fire inside of me. and truly opened my eyes up to another world. both will forever hold a piece of my heart. i am going to be thirty-seven this year. and yes, still checking the single box. my parents have been married forty years. both sets of my grandparents were married for over twenty-five years. and kelly and greg have been married for nine years. marriage is definitely something i want. all of the relationships i have been around have taught me an incredible amount: love is not always going to be easy. it is going to be challenging. it is going to be filled with ups and downs. it is going to be filled with tears. but it is also going to be overflowing with laughter. with travel and with incredible moments i cannot even imagine. so yes, i dream about finding my guy. but i refuse to settle. carrie bradshaw said it so eloquently: some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies. i want the butterflies. i want the guy that makes me smile the way greg makes kelly smile. i want the guy who teases me as much as my dad teases my mom. i want that kind of love.

happy ruby anniversary big jim and mama k ….
thank you for showing me a true love story.

the browns. how much is too much?

being a browns fan is completely, utterly irrational. but you already know that. 
if you were born after 1960, you already know being a browns fan makes no sense. 
none. zero. 
thats because the teams most recent championship was in 1964. [terry pluto]

not even four days removed from the 2015 season and i feel compelled to comment on the state of my team. i am mostly at a loss for words. the firing of farmer i expected. i was on the fence about whether pettine should stay or not. johnny football. billy. whatever you wanna call him, he can go. i was never officially on his bandwagon. i am one hundred percent not a fan. he is a cancer to the team. i am officially ready to break up with him. for good. forever. just leave on a jet plane to never return.

this season. it was an odd one. it was strange for me personally. mainly because my dad is recovering from serious ankle surgery and did not attend even one game. the last browns event i attended with him was the uniform reveal party on april 14, 2015. wait we did pre-game at karl’s together once this year. i missed him. i am pretty sure i teared up on more than one occasion because he wasnt there. it just wasnt the same. for me sundays, are football. and days with big jim. my friends welcomed me with open arms and i tailgated in the muni lot for every home game. i once again attended the battle of ohio in cincinnati this year. though i liked last years result better. i made an abundance of pudding shots. i was the girl on fire. i fought steelers fans. i got to participate in an on-field promotion and won tickets from united. i had fun. i really did. i just wish the browns ….  i wish a lot for them. mainly i just wish they would give us the team this city deserves. i believe. i am die-hard. ill admit it got really hard this year. the losing. the horrible press. but here i am. still a browns fan. still wishing. still hoping. and waiting … waiting for that day we make it to the super bowl. it might not happen in my lifetime, but god i hope it does. you best believe ill be there. so, the state of the browns. i dunno. i am still at a loss of words. i guess we just wait and see at this point. in the meantime ill leave you with some of my favorite pictures from the season.


loving the browns doesnt make sense. but we just cant help ourselves. [terry pluto]